2/21/2024 0 Comments Jameson whiskey heirIn full view of the enemy, these men would then take out knives, scream, and slit their own throats.Īfter that, he sent in another wave of self-inflicted windpipe-slashery. You had to assume things would get a bit weird, and they did - before a particularly important battle, as the two armies were doing that thing where they line up and stare at each other for a while before hacking each other to pieces, Goujian would march a line of nigh-unarmed men to the front of his army. Goujian took to the battlefield with ten years' worth of revenge fantasies ricocheting around in his head. This is not the face of a man who fucks around. When a locust-induced famine eventually struck Wu, so did Goujian. Goujian spent ten freaking years gathering his strength, patiently devising strategies, and waiting for the opportune time to strike. Eventually, he was allowed to return to his country, which proved to be the absolute worst mistake the Wu people would ever make. Yue was defeated and Goujian was taken to Wu, where he stayed in captivity until he had groveled enough to convince the King of Wu of his subservience. King Goujian was an early Chinese statesman with probably the most unorthodox way of winning fights in the history of warfare: victory via his own men slitting their throats in front of the enemy.Ī little background: when his father died in the year 496 BCE, Goujian got a nasty coronation present when the nearby kingdom of Wu attacked. To literally add insult to injury, the bull's mouth featured an acoustic device that would convert the victim's screams to a low, drawn-out sound not unlike the mooing of Satan's own livestock.ģ King Goujian of Yue Confused Opponents by Forcing His People to Cut Their Own Throats As the metal heated, the person trapped inside would be gradually roasted to death. The bull had a trapdoor installed in the belly, so the condemned could be shut inside the statue, and a roaring fire would be lit underneath. This hollow bull statue was presented to him by a Greek artist named Perillos. Phalari (the elected dictator of Acragas - now Agrigento - Sicily between 570 and 554 BC) is a perfect example of mankind's oldest dilemma: do you tolerate a capable leader if said leader also enjoys doling out sadistic torture every now and then? His favorite method was known as the brazen bull. In practice, it would take roughly 0.2 seconds for Phalaris to give the order to roast your ass alive in a metal torture chamber shaped like a bull. In theory, this makes his dominion one of the best spots to crash-land when your homemade time machine inevitably breaks down and leaves you stranded in the 6th century BCE. Phalaris of Acragas was a pretty effective leader he built his city-state into a prosperous, well-equipped place to raise a family.
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